i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
