She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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