Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
