I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
