Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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