I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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