Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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