i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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