Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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