I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
