some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
