listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
