when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
