why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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