based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
