I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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