just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He? As in you personified your dick?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
