Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
