my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This house was built for laser tag.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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