Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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