who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
