You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
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