i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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