i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
