things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
