I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
