And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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