I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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