How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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