She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
