I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
