This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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