No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
