I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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