I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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