why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
