mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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