would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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