i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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