You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
