Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
