What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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