i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
