I'm going to jail i love you
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
