Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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