Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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