I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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