alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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