The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
