Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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