This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
