Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
