Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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